If you’ve just become engaged, it might seem that finding the right person to share your life was the hard part. Now look at the costs of your wedding. If you haven’t already seen the national average for wedding expenses, read ‘em and weep:

Is it any wonder wedding loans are so popular? (Are you still with me? Or have you already clicked onto Expedia to begin plans for eloping in Jamaica? Take a deep breath and read on.)

Give a little thought to what you want for your wedding. Do a little internet research. Make a few phone calls. Draw up a rough estimate of what your wedding might cost.

This is probably a good place to address the urban legend surrounding who pays for what. Traditionally, the bride’s parents paid for nearly everything. No doubt many fathers-of-the-bride took out a wedding loan to do it. The groom’s family paid for the rehearsal dinner, the bride’s bouquet and the honeymoon. Though that might sound pretty terrific, what you have to remember is the people writing the checks decide how their money will get spent. But that’s all history anyhow.

These days, most couples are older (him: 28; her: 26) and paying for 77 percent of the wedding expenses. You and your intended may or may not have a nest egg of your own, but at that age you probably have some pretty clear ideas about what kind of wedding, reception and honeymoon you want. And if you want your wedding day to bear any semblance to those ideas, you will come up with the money – even if it means taking out a wedding loan. (Advice for grooms: If you’ve ever taken out a loan for a boat, motorcycle, pool table or home theater system, this is no time to balk if your bride suggests a wedding loan. Believe me, she hasn’t forgotten about your boat, motorcycle, pool table or home theater system.)

So, what if the wedding of your dreams is way, way out of your price range? Pick out the elements that mean the most to you. Call this your “I’ll Tell You What I Want, What I Really, Really Want” list. Will you be disappointed without that fabulous gown? Put it on your ITYWIWWIRRW list. If it’s important to be able to invite all of your friends and family to the reception, put it on the list. How about your honeymoon? If you’ve both been dreaming of honeymooning in Europe despite the lousy exchange rate, this should go on your ITYWIWWIRRW list. For these things, it may be worth taking out a wedding loan.

Now what are the things you don’t care so much about? The flowers? The invitations? The engagement ring? If the parents have offered to help with the wedding expenses, these things go on the “We Can Live with Almost Anything You Decide” list. If you’re totally on your own, the items on your WCLWAAYD list are the things you’ll scale back on or ax completely. These are definitely not the things that are worth a wedding loan. Now go back to the internet for more research and pricing.

Now compare your initial estimated expenses with the latest revision. Feeling better yet? Or are your numbers still too high?

Take one more look at the ITYWIWWIRRW list. Now close your eyes. Can you picture your wedding day without the dress? Would you feel cheated in Toronto instead of Paris?